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In November 2017 Greggs Bakery caused controversy when they replaced the Baby Jesus with a bitten sausage roll in their Christmas Nativity Advert. This poem was written because of that advert…

‘I NEVER KNEW JESUS WAS A SAUSAGE ROLL’

I knew that Henry VIII was a ruthless king
I knew that Benny Goodman was the King of Swing
I knew of Old King Cole was a merry old soul
But I never knew Jesus was a sausage roll

I’ve eaten dodgy grub in pubs
You could possibly tempt me with Witchetty Grubs
I’ve tasted steaks from kangaroos
But I’d draw the line at the King of the Jews

I knew that Elton John’s really Reginald Dwight…
The soul singer Dean Parish is actually white…
Rhod Gilbert’s got a Battenberg inked on his back…
But I never knew Christ was a savoury snack!

God created the Earth, the Sun and the stars
All that exists on this planet of ours
So how in Hell, the question begs…
Did his only son get baked by Greggs?!

I knew King Herod was a child killer..
King Kong was an XXXL gorilla…
I knew that Elvis Presley sang King Creole…
But I never knew Jesus was a sausage roll

Copyright(c)MacMcFadden2017

STAYCATION

We never went to Bali, Barbados, or St Kitts
We never went to Delhi so we never got the shits.
We weren’t sizzling in Cancun, whilst getting sozzled all exclusive
We didn’t ‘hop’ across to France (They said the locals were abusive).
We weren’t sleepless in Seattle, topless in Faliraki…
Or daylight-robbed in Amsterdam whilst high on ‘whacky-backy’No Euros, Francs or Dollars – we helped inflate the Pound…
We didn’t even need a passport – cos we never left the ground!!! It was pissing down all week and on the good days it just spat
We made castles on the beach, right next to where the donkeys shat.
We didn’t need to take Imodium, or a travel sickness pill
We never even needed sun cream, because we went to…
RHYL!!
Copyright (c)MacMcFadden2017