GOODBUY T’ JANE
I was in the epicentre of the land of self pity
That masquerades as our capital city.
Where smog is the only respite from pollution.
And the men who drive cabs have defied evolution.
When I wandered ad-hoc into a bar,
Where the suited, booted and ooh-la-di-da,
Were crowing, blabbering, guffawing and bluffing;
Stilettos and cufflinks bragging of nothing.
To blend myself in I decided to fritter,
Four-pounds-fifty on a flat pint of bitter.
From a grumpy barperson who stank of smoke,
Looked like a woman but spoke like a bloke!
In this crowded bar I was stood all alone
With a pint as flat as my mobile phone.
I was all-but ready to head through the door,
To my hotel room on the 20th floor,
Then I looked to my left and the sight I saw…
Made my heartstrings send out overture…
Such a captivating, beautiful face,
A smile so bright you could see it from space.
Bedazzling dress sense, an Angel’s hair,
And an aura that cried out ‘Romantics beware!’.
She was a stunner, a siren, a paragon of glamour…
My heart beat against my chest like a hammer.
My heartbeat hit a peak – as I heard her speak…
Her accent sent me weak at the knees…
“Erm…can Oi ‘ave a Tequilla Sunroise please?”
On the spot I was smitten, completely beguiled…
She noticed me staring and giggled then smiled…
“Excuse me aw kid would yow watch me bag?…
Om goona nip owtsoid for a fag!”
So I guarded her bag and warmed my hands on my beer…
…After 5 minutes that felt like a year…
A fanfare played and she floated back…
And said, “Moi nime’s Jane” … and I gulped… ‘I’m Mac’…
She said ‘Cum on aw kid grab ya beer – there’s 2 seats free just over ‘ere’
Suddenly my night was ignited,
Pumped up from deflated straight into delighted.
It was love at first sight, right from the start,
My flames of passion had started to smoulder…
This Black Country Beauty had captured my heart…
With the mother-tongue of… Noddy Holder!
She was so down-to earth; so witty and gamine.
In under an hour Oi was yowin’ n’ yammin!
As she sipped her cocktail and crunched a pork scratchin’…
My pulse gained pace and my love-eggs were hatchin!
So we sat together till closing time…
Then she smiled and said… “Wanna cum bak to moin?… If ya loik Oi cud open a bottle o’ woin!’
As the cab crawled along I was floating on air…
And when we got back to her flat… a one bed roomed affair!!…
She purred in a voice… as soft as silk…
“Would yow loik some Liebfraumilk?”
In her lounge; softly painted in light shades of pastel,
We sipped Blue Nun and got merrier… and merrier…
Directly beneath a ‘shroin to Jeff Astle’…
With my face getting licked by her Stevie Bull Terrier!
And as our eyes blurred then crossed… my heart took a fall…
And landed head over heels in Walsall!
When I woke (on the couch!), it was morning and light…
And this Black Country Beauty had vanished from sight…
Just a note saying “Gone t’ work aw kid”.
I hoped to see her again; but I never did.
I rushed off to work with my head in a mess…
No mobile number or email address.
I can’t find her flat, though I’ve searched wide and far…
And I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been back to that bar.
So ‘Jane’ if you’re out there, I’d like you know…
Even though it was such a long time ago…
What a bostin noight I had with ‘yow’…
I still hope that we’ll meet up again somehow.
Yow captured my heart and my only refrain…
Is that I never did get the chance to say ‘Gudbuy t’ Jane’.
~
Copyright©Mac McFadden 2010
