‘Rebel Without Applause’
Wear brown shoes in the City, wear a bowler in your shed.
Eat dinner in the Ritz with your knickers on your head.
Put on a coat… then don’t go out.
Put on a Sports bra and just do… nowt!
Have your starter for afters, stir your tea with a fork.
Sign your name on a cheque with chalk.
Let the dog out at night, walk the cat.
Go into a room and keep on your hat.
Sit in the quiet zone and play the drums.
Take off all your clothes, then put on your mum’s.
Eat crisps in bed… in an IKEA store.
Get a speeding fine on a rickshaw.
When Jehovas come a-knocking… OPEN your door!
Leave CLEAN pants on the bathroom floor.
Get summoned to court and play the Jester.
Order a plate of Scouse… in Manchester.
Bring tinned Soup to the boil and IMPROVE the flavour.
Replace the ‘F’ in the ‘F Word’ with a nice semi quaver.
Indicate left then turn right.
Go out and paint the town black and white.
Drink Horlicks when it’s not even night.
Go topless at a wedding, wear a suit on a beach.
Hang your favourite shirt in a place you can’t reach.
Yodel in a library, sleep at a wake.
Eat the candles then blow out the cake.
Go down on one knee on a first date.
Go to a Greek Taverna and MEND a plate.
Take supplements to recede your hair.
Show off when there’s nobody there.
And… what the hell???… EAT Silica Gel!!!
Cheer up a party by playing Adele!
Join a Choir and don’t sing.
Become a rapper and don’t wear bling.
Order a Big Mac… in Burger King.
Winge when you’re winning, laugh when you’re losing.
Go to Coventry… by way of your own choosing.
Fix post-its to your desk… with screws.
Roll over Tchaikovsky… tell Handel the news…
Please, please step on my Blue Suede Shoes.
Take your Jersey to Guernsey, subtract your plus fours
Moo at the Herd as you milk the applause.