♥HEARTS AND ARROWS♥
(To be read in a Wide-Boy accent)
My name’s Barry and I love Heather
For over a year we’ve been going together
So to prove my love, I decided to do… what proper, true romantics do…
Enshrine our love with a ‘classy’… tattoo.
So the other Saturday in the Rose & Crown,
I sank a few of the local ales,
And when I was feeling as hard as nails
I went to this tattoo parlour in town.
Well I sat there waiting… and reading Page 3 of the Sun,
Whilst a school kid was having a Prince Albert done,
(A birthday present off his mum!)…
Then eventually this pierced, tattooed tattooist fella…
(Who clearly smoked too much cos his fingers were yeller)…
Came out oozing charisma & charm, and said…
“You’re next – hurry up – wot ya want?”….
I said, ‘2 hearts 2‘arrers’ on my arm… with ‘Barry loves Heather’ in a calligraphic font”.
Well they say tattoos are painful, but don’t ask me…
I passed out… two seconds into the letter ‘B’!
I awoke in a disorientated state,
With ‘Yellow Fingers’ saying… “Oi! It’s finished mate”.
And there it was in red and blue… my first tattoo…
Two hearts with Cupid’s ‘arrers’ through…
And beneath it – 2 names enshrined forever…
‘Barry loves’… WHO THE BLOODY HELL’S TREVOR??!!…
You could have knocked me with a feather!,,,
The flamin’ tattoo said… “Barry loves Trevor!”
I gaped at my arm full of angst and alarm….
Then I swore…. for England, France, Japan… Italy, Spain and… Afghanistan!
He snarled, “I’ll have less of your effin’ swearin’
Serves you right for being drunk and effin’ slurrin!”…
“You owe me 90 effin’ quid”…
That’s when I really flipped my lid…
Showed him he was dealing with a man – not a kid…
(Yeah. .. threatened to fetch my dad… I did!)
Then stomped out through the doorway, threatening to sue…
As I moped off home with my new… taboo!
(Tch…two blokes’ names – two hearts – two ‘arrers’…
I’m glad I wasn’t thinking of joining the Paras!”)
Then I thought about Heather, what was she gonna say?…
I’ve got a mate called Trevor and he’s gay!…
And next weekend we’re off to Brighton together!
Look nothing’s going on alright?…
‘Just 2 old mates on a stag night,
But she’s vicious when she’s suspicious, my Heather…
I was feeling decidedly under the weather!
In fact… I’ll admit I was milimetres from startin’ to cry,
Then… half-way home I happened to spy…
A shop window advert that caught my eye…
‘Boxer-Cross puppies 500 quid’…
I went round and bought one… I’m glad that I did…
You see there’s a final twist to this story…
Now everything’s worked out Hunky-Dory…
You see, I called the dog ‘TREVOR’…isn’t that clever?…
‘Barry loves Trevor’
And Heather loves him so much, the soppy moo…
She only went out & got the same tattoo!…
‘Barry loves Trevor’ – ‘Heather loves Trevor’…
Now we both match when walk him together!…
Life’s so sweet I could jump for joy…
”Come here Trevor… sit… GOOD BOY!!’
(Arrers = Arrows)
Copyright (c) MacMcFadden2008
