We never went to Bali, Barbados, or St Kitts
We never went to Delhi so we never got the shits.
We weren’t sizzling in Cancun, whilst getting sozzled all exclusive
We didn’t ‘hop’ across to France (They said the locals were abusive).
We weren’t sleepless in Seattle, topless in Faliraki…
Or daylight-robbed in Amsterdam whilst high on ‘whacky-backy’No Euros, Francs or Dollars – we helped inflate the Pound…
We didn’t even need a passport – cos we never left the ground!!! It was pissing down all week and on the good days it just spat
We made castles on the beach, right next to where the donkeys shat.
We didn’t need to take Imodium, or a travel sickness pill
We never even needed sun cream, because we went to…
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